Congratulations on making it this far! Being in a happy, long-term relationship is an accomplishment worth celebrating. At the same time, you could find it difficult to deal with some of the changes stemming from the passage of time.
As a person who has been with the same partner for years, you know that the sex is bound to change.
Knowing each other well and being comfortable is great. At the same time, this intimate knowledge reduces the spontaneity and kills some of the passion.
There are still ways to keep things hot and exciting in the bedroom. You’ll simply need to get out of your comfortable mode and seek change proactively.
What Are You Holding Back?
Think about it – have you lost interest in sex or are you somewhat bored with sex with your partner?
If you have sexual desires and fantasies that you’re not acting on, you’re holding back. That’s not healthy and it’s definitely not having a good effect on your sex life.
One of the main reasons for the passion to subside in long-term relationships is the lack of novelty. You know your partner, their body, what they like and how to turn them on. When you know this much, things are likely to turn into a routine sooner or later.
To counter that possibility, you should definitely explore aspects of your sexuality that you haven’t shared with your partner before. The same applies to them. Ask yourself about the stuff you’ve been holding back and the reasons why. There’s definitely nothing wrong with straying away from vanilla sex if both of you desire the same thing.
Opening up the conversation can be a bit awkward at first but you’ll probably get a positive outcome. Once you start sharing and discussing sexy new things to try out, you’ll both feel much more excited about the night ahead.
Understand What’s Normal and What’s Not
We live in a society that constantly bombards us with messages of hyper-sexuality.
Some reduction in sex frequency is normal as your relationship changes and progresses. In the beginning, you simply cannot get enough of each other. Doing it two or three times per night seems like the most natural thing. In time, however, you’ll start going down to more manageable levels of sexual activity.
Understand the fact that it’s ok to not feel like having sex every once in a while. That doesn’t mean you’re out of love or no longer attracted to your partner. Daily responsibilities, stress and medical conditions can all play with your libido. There’s nothing wrong with taking a night (or a few of those) off to just cuddle and have a fun conversation.
Dare Each Other
A bit of sexy play, combined with a challenge can really build up the excitement and the anticipation.
Try daring each other about sexy things you’d like your partner to do or explore (on their own or as a couple).
Sending a sexy dare by phone in the middle of the work day is a fun way to keep things fresh and exciting. Ask your partner for a phone sex session. Send them a naughty picture and ask them to reciprocate.
Such playfulness is exactly what often goes missing in a long-term relationship. It doesn’t really matter how crazy the dare is. Once you get into the game, you’ll definitely see your imagination running wild with all the possibilities.
Work on a Sexual Bucket List Together
Everybody knows what a bucket list is but how about a sexual one?
If you’d like to push the boundaries of your sex life, sit down and work on a sex bucket list together.
What is it that you’d like to try out with your significant other but have never enjoyed before? Anal play? Light BDSM? Sex toys like a really cool strapless strap on dildo? Role reversal? Sex in public?
Don’t hold back and list all of your desires. Your partner should do the same. This way, you’ll get to find out what fantasies you have in common. Once the information is out there in the open, get down to business!
Enjoy Erotic Moments without Actual Sex
We have been conditioned to accept a very narrow view of what sex actually is.
For most people, it all boils down to some kind of penetrative sex.
Erotic experiences, however, can be much more diversified and all-encompassing. There are limitless possibilities to explore and lots of those don’t involve penetration at all.
Try to have an erotic experience that doesn’t involve penetrative sex. It could focus on sensual massages, passionate kissing, petting, mutual masturbation, striptease or anything else that you find arousing.
Such experiences build intimacy and show you how much is possible if you’re willing to broaden your sexual horizons. A little bit of exploration can go a long way when it comes to excitement and getting the passion back.
Visit a Sex Shop Together
If you don’t know how to get started with bringing the spice back, go shopping for sex toys together.
Chances are that you’re clueless about the different kinds of sex toys and erotic accessories out there. By exploring what the market has to offer, you’ll definitely come up with ideas with new and fun things to try.
Even if you’re not ready to introduce sex toys, there are other cool items you can get in a sex shop. Costumes, stimulating lubricants and even a pair of handcuff can inspire you to feel excited about sex. In time, you’ll decide if you’d like to get additional items or have quality sexy time in another way.
A long-term relationship doesn’t have to involve boring sex.
Yes, things could feel a bit stale every once in a while. You’ll probably go through dry spells and periods of dissatisfaction. Still, keeping things fresh and exciting isn’t that difficult. If you’re not happy with your sex life right now, talk to your partner about it. Two people who love each other and desire happiness for their significant other will seek all opportunities for improvement, no matter what the specifics of the issue are.